As many of you have pointed out , it is important when looking after others to look after yourself too. I’m not always great at this but have given in. It turns out that the dizziness and nausea weren’t just anxiety, but are caused by a proper illness – labyrinthitis. My GP tells me firmly to go home, go to bed and stay there till the spinning stops.
I almost comply. Bed is the sofa and tomorrow I promise myself I will stay in bed. I can’t drive and actually for once , laziness seems attractive. C fusses over me , bringing mugs of tea and invalid food. Harry the cat lies on my knee. He is normally a grumpy cat, so I tell C it is because he knows all is not well and he is offering comfort. C offers the alternative view that I am warm and comfortable.
Perhaps it is because after a long time, I now really feel L is getting better and that she will soon be home with us, that I feel able to let go. I even feel it will be ok if I don’t visit tonight. I know that this is far from over and when L does come home she will need huge amounts of support. So I need to listen to what my body and indeed everyone else is saying. Sometimes, it is only when you stop that you realise how truly exhausted you are.