Ready for home now

I didn’t see L yesterday. Her Dad went and I stayed at home, resting as much as possible. We spoke on the phone as C, K and I sat around at home. I went in this afternoon, having promised K a Halloween evening with Coraline. It is strange when I visit. I still feel really ill, my hearing is fuzzy, and I feel underwater and so, distanced from my surroundings. But L seems distant too. We go to the family therapy room. She tells me her two closest people at the unit are away at home tonight. One of them becomes a day patient tomorrow. She feels sad and left behind. Her weight has not increased, but I am relieved they are allowing her full weekend leave, Friday night to Tuesday morning.

I work out what is bothering me. I am ready for her to come home now. I have had enough of her being here. She doesn’t seem ill enough somehow. Before, I felt it was the right place and now I think she belongs at home. My confidence in our ability to help her eat is increasing. Even though her weight is plateauing, she is braver and is thinking about ways to challenge herself. We may even have pizza this Friday night.

I know she has a long way to go in getting her to think differently and I know that she is not ready to be discharged. Her BMI is still under 18. But I don’t see how she benefits from staying in the unit overnight, when the therapy happens in the day. I also know that discharge will be hard and we must not rush it. But I am ready. And that in itself is a big step.

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