…I haven’t blogged for a while. This isn’t really a proper post, more of a scribbling, to mark a day where I am struck by how life is shitty and unfair.
A year ago, when struggling with L’s anorexia and really having nowhere to turn, through this blog I discovered the kindest, loveliest people through the organisation F.E.A.S.T. With open arms, (in cyber terms) they welcomed and supported me, praised what I was doing and offered help and advice. I still felt scared, but I didn’t feel alone. Miranda and Charlotte were the first to hold out their hands. It meant so, so much.
Being a good person doesn’t build up any credit in a Life is Fair bank. It seems the best people get ill, the most wonderful young women get eating disorders and the people in the lowest paid jobs work the hardest and give the most. And it feels as if we can do nothing to change this. Meanwhile, Ian Brady and Mark Bridger carry on living, hedge fund managers earn billions, Donald Trump keeps existing. I hate how unfair life is, but perhaps the only way we can make a difference is to squeeze every last drop of happiness out of every day, to love as much as possible, to laugh with abandon, to dance in the rain and to eat cake with those we love on a picnic rug in summer and by the fire in winter. Is it best to mock Fate, to spit in its eye and decide that whatever it has in store, in this moment, on this day, I choose Joy and I refuse to live in fear.
As I said, a ramble, a scribble. Because sometimes life makes no sense and we have to make it up as we go along.