It’s weird, when you go and see your GP about “depression”. How do you measure how well you are doing? My GP is great. It takes ages to see her and today I noticed she is pregnant again, so I assume she will be off soon. But she always relaxes and looks at you as you come in. This tells you “I have time, You matter.” I have learned to be honest, neither to dress up nor down. I tell her how earlier in the week I couldn’t stop crying. How walking up the stairs tires me out. About a physical exhaustion I can’t sleep off. We discuss the MH team assessment and the advice we should discuss my medication. She agrees that changing it is a big step, as it is at such a high level, it would take weeks to move over to new meds and that we should wait.
She asks lots of question, booking me in for blood tests in case the exhaustion is anaemia or thyroid issues and to rule these out to consider whether a CFS/ME diagnosis may be relevant in the future. Then she tells me I should take another three weeks off. My mouth falls open and I start to get upset. I can’t do this. Three weeks?!! She is gentle, explaining that my distress may be a sign I need some more time off.
And so I go home, clutching my sick note. I keep thinking if I take enough deep breaths I will somehow be better. It doesn’t happen.. This is so frustrated. I want a course of antibiotics to take for seven days and then I will be ok. Brains don’t work like that do they?