I’ve often heard older people say that you feel exactly the same inside your head as you did when you were a teenager, no matter how old you get. I guess that’s true and I’ve reflected that at the moment I’m In a teenager phase. This whole anorexia shtick, it’s just totally so, like, unfair! And even when I go and see L, she’s all, oh, I’m going to Morrisons, and I’m like, oh well, stuff you, K and I are going to IKEA and well, yeah. *does the head shimmy and talk to the hand movement*.
Being ill doesn’t help, but the thing is, I’m the grown up and she’s the anorexic. Somewhere along the path of flu, depression, throat infections and back pain, I forgot that. Or perhaps I just wanted to be the person who got looked after. I certainly needed to be looked after by someone. But that’s C’s job, although who the hell looks after him? Anyway, I get that going to Morrisons probably is a big deal when you’re an inpatient and cooped up in the same building five or six days a week. Of course L wants to see me. I think today must be the first day I have felt as if I am on the way to getting better because I remembered my previous mantra of letting Ed do the drama while I do the calm and constant. Perhaps the clouds in my head are starting to clear.