L doesn’t live here any more

I haven’t blogged recently because there really isn’t anything to blog about. L’s treatment team advised her to move out and so she did. She pops in on her weekends home – which is now somewhere other than here – to say Hi. Tonight she even came for a meal, but afterwards she went home. To her dad’s place, which is now home. Sometimes she spends nights at her boyfriend’s house. They all see her sleepy face in the morning, say goodnight to her and chill out in front of the TV. I am to be visited, in small doses, like a dangerous toxin to which resistance has to be built. I don’t blog about this, because it just hurts too much. I miss her and I’d just like a night under the same roof.


3 responses to “L doesn’t live here any more

  1. Big hugs, this is ED at its most cruel. Don’t ever lose sight of the fact that this is not L’s choice but the cold voice of ED choosing the easy option.
    You have done everything you possibly could and one day she will appreciate how hard you fought to save her from this illness.
    Until then, concentrate on taking care of you. Put your own (metaphorical) oxygen mask on, so you are stronger and ready for the next round.

    I can really feel your pain, heartbreaking x

  2. I understand how much this hurts you. There’s nothing worse than feeling rejected by the child that you have nurtured since before their birth.

    I don’t know what the rationale was for L’s treatment team recommending that she moved home. But I do know how much you want her to get well and fulfil her enormous potential. And if this painful separation is helping her to recover then it is worth enduring the pain. It doesn’t mean that she is gone for ever. The relationship between you will regain it’s strength and closeness in time. L is choosing to spend time with you and even to share meals with you. That’s really positive and a good building block for the future.

    Thinking of you and sending lots of love xxx

  3. Yes, i hear you, i had this happen as well, to be seen as the toxic cow to be avoided at all costs! Her BFs family took over, even denied she was ill,… of course she didnt show them the part of her i knew so well, so they thought it was all my fault why she was as she was.She comes to see my sometimes, when she is back home with them from being at Uni, but she only lives up the road and i didnt see her at either xmas or other times she comes back.
    Its a long story, but i was seen by the “medical” proffesion as being controlling, but what was i to do, or you to do , just stand and watch them do this, well it appears that indeed yes we are, for otherwise it become the battle for control, a thing where there is never any winners if emotional attachement is there. I wish you well, heal yourself, be the change you wish to see, and may not only your daughter heal, but you, for you too are are very precious as she is, and as this is now out your hands, so be as loyal to self as you have been to others. May you find your wings and may i find mine as well. xx

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