I know, I know. I go through really bad times of thinking that L hates me and she has anorexia because of me and I come her and whine and howl and everyone is so nice. But then, well, the next morning comes and it turns out I’ve been, perhaps, a “total doofus” as L would say.
So, last night, as I’m driving home after a ten hour shift, L texts me. I know she is coming home, although ‘home’ these days is her Dad’s house. I have tried to blank this out. I am trying to cloud the pain of being without L by work, like ice on a burn or a shawl against the cold. She texts me to ask if she can stay at my house. I see the text as I am driving, but my heart leaps and everything feels as if the sun came out again. I stop at lights and I have no time, but I send a smiley face. When I get home she is there. We eat tea, and L has a bath. We sit on the sofa in pyjamas and watch Game Of Thrones and whoop as the Purple Wedding unfolds. She snuggles next to me and at the end of the night I say goodnight. As I hear her steps up to her room, at home, I feel at peace.
As I hug L goodbye in the morning, I tell her I won’t be a total arse again. Actually, I probably will. I’ll almost certainly be a complete online arse again. Bear with me.